I also think that by feeling that you have a right to know your bio parents you violate the rights of the bio parents who do not want to be named. Why do your rights supercede theirs?I posted a followup comment, which was not approved for publication:
Why do their rights (or yours, for that matter) supercede ours?She has moderation for comments turned on (as do I, to avoid spam comments), which is fine. I don't particularly care that she didn't post my comment, except I know a couple other people who attempted to post similar opinions, and the next thing you know, this is her next post:
WARNINGAnd this is exactly what we mean when we talk about the entitlement mentality of some adopters and prospective adopters.
IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS BLOG THEN STOP READING IT. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ IT
There are some people out there who just don't want to accept that birth relatives and adoptees have their own experiences with adoption, and that those experiences are not always positive. No one wants to admit that birth relatives and adoptees grieve, that adoption isn't 100% happy-fuzzy. Any attempts to have an actual conversation with such people are pointless. They will immediately put their hands over their ears and refuse to hear a single word.
To the author of the aforementioned blog, I would like to ask what you're so afraid of. Yes, talking about these aspects of adoption is a yucky business, but if you don't clean the wound it's going to fester. And I can GUARANTEE you, if you maintain this attitude after adopting, you will do nothing but alienate the person you adopt. The adorable child you are so eager to hold is going to turn into a damn angry adult or, dare I say, bastard, who will want to know why the people he/she called "parents" refused to acknowledge that grief.
And I've had this conversation with adopters before. The best of them say, "Really? I've never talked to an adult adoptee/birth relative before. What's your experience? Why didn't you like it? What can I do to make things better if I adopt?" They may be afraid, angry, bitter or confused, but the one quality they share is the ability to put aside their own feelings to listen to another's perspective. And that is a critical quality for anyone thinking of adopting a child.
Here's a warning of my own. If you don't want to hear what adoptees and birth relatives really think, don't blog about adoption--and certainly don't adopt.