To quote Amy's response to a disgruntled mother:
When you found yourself pregnant after one "exposure," you could have placed your baby for adoption and at least given it a chance of growing up with motivated and loving parents. Two generations later, it seems unfortunate that you didn't make this choice. Unlike you, "Anonymous" wants to have a baby, though she says her husband doesn't. One can only hope that if she chooses to have a baby, it will be cherished.Here's the letter I sent to Amy in response.
I was appalled at your response to "Also Anonymous," who regretted her decision to have children because she later found herself raising her grandchild and great-grandchild. Instead of praising her efforts keep these individuals within their family of origin despite hardship, you lambasted her because she did not "place [her] baby for adoption and at least given it (sic) a chance of growing up with motivated and loving parents."If you want to write Amy, you can contact her via the Chicago Tribune. You might also want to cc your letter to the Tribunes Letters To The Editor, ctc-TribLetter@tribune.com.
Adoption is not a guarantee of a better life, only a different one, and comes with its own set of tribulations. To be separated from one's blood kin is one of the worst experiences a person can endure. As an adult adoptee (not an "it"), I can tell you exactly how painful adoption is, and I am insulted that you would so blithely suggest that Also Anonymous sever three generations of her family tree. (As open adoptions are rarely enforceable by birth families, the suggestion that it could simply be an "open adoption" is specious and inaccurate.)
What this woman and women like her need is help in raising their children, not the slapdash suggestion that "adoption" is a magic fix that makes everybody's life perfect. Clearly she is in need of a support structure, but solving that problem via adoption is like swatting a fly by exploding the sun.
I hope in the future, you will offer your readers more practical advice such as the following resources for women raising their children and grandchildren:
OriginsUSA for Family Preservation
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
I also hope you will help adoptees and birth relatives educate others on the lifelong impact of adoption.
Ask Amy appears Monday through Saturday in Tempo and Sunday in Q. Send questions via e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.