It's that time of year again, when I can't open a paper or glance at a web site without being innundated by how WONDERFUL adoption is and isn't it too bad we don't have more of it.
Forget the rainbows and fluffy animals. Others have mentioned this, and I believe also, that it would be far more effective to spend November analyzing the less savory sides of adoption.
Such as honoring Strange And Mournful Day, when mothers take time to contemplate how the adoption industry robbed them of their children, their dignity, and their self-respect.
Or reviewing how supposedly respected organizations like Catholic Charities can so royally screw up their (expensive) intermediary services that purportedly "help" adoptees and birth relatives reconnect. (90% success rate?! I want to hear how many applications got dropped on the floor a la the Illinois Confidential Intermediary Service. Likewise, I bet CC is also pre screening to insure success before accepting participants--skews the figures nicely.) You've got to wonder what CC is trying to conceal, that they're refusing to help straighten out this appalling situation. Don't tell me the law doesn't allow it, that's a cop-out similar to "I was just following orders".
What about donor-conceived people who have no access to their medical records? What about cases like the sperm donor who passed on a life-threatening genetic condition? Doesn't anybody give a damn that we are creating human beings willy-nilly with no regard for their rights as human beings? I don't mean embryos, I mean the rights of real-live people who are suffering because others want to conceal errors and misdeeds.
How about discussing the strange case of the birth mother so upset at being contacted by the child-now-adult she gave up for adoption that she feels the need to plaster her story all over the place, in some kind of insane attempt to... do what? Garner sympathy? Destroy any hope of open records? Demonstrate how ungrateful we adoptees are, especially those of us who *gasp* search? Because being adopted automatically turns us into crazy stalkers, it's right there in the Player's Handbook. Oh, and our heads spin 360 while we projectile vomit, too. But genealogy is A-OK if you're, say, the First Lady, or anybody else for that matter. Now, gimme back my dice so I can keep playing the D&D version of Adoption Stereotypes. I've got a new character to roll:
THE PSYCHO BIRTH MOTHERStrength: LimitlessIntelligence: QuestionableCharisma: 18 (+30 to News Media)Weapon: +10 Glaive Of VictimizationArmor: Shield Of Anti-ReflectionWhen confronted with the Stalker Adoptee, the Birth Mother Promised Confidentiality morphs into the Psycho Birth Mother. Not only has she never regretted her decision, she's the one being victimized and wants only to maintain her privacy, which is why she touts her story to any News Media she can find. Her siren call is: "Don't open the records! It'll destroy women like me!" Ignoring her sister birth mothers, who may actually (horrors!) desire and seek contact with their offspring, she hides in plain sight, turning any adoptees who cross her path back into Perpetual Children. The Psycho Birth Mother refuses to look at herself in a mirror, because deep down she knows what she's doing is wrong.
As I said on Osolomama's blog, if women don't want the offspring they gave up for adoption to contact them, then they ought to support open adoption records. Because as it stands in closed records states, the only way for adoptees to obtain info is to contact their birth mothers. (And no offense intended by my use of that term; I'm using it strictly for search engine purposes. As far as I'm concerned these women are mothers, no adjective.)
Personally, November is very hard for me. For one thing, it's my daughter's birthday. She is my eldest and the very first biological relative I ever saw in the flesh. That is so messed up I cannot even begin to tell you. So to have Adoption Awareness Month be the same as the anniversary of her arrival is really difficult. The last thing I need are painful reminders that she and my son are the only biological relatives I may ever know. I am also irate that the whole adoption thing spoils my ability to be able to enjoy her birthday. This month should be all about HER, turning six and getting pink princess presents. She shouldn't have to have a mother who's distracted by fighting the ghosts of adoption past, present and future. Adoption affects my kids, too, and they had nothing to do with it!
It's also that time of thanksgiving, of being grateful... and I am damn sick of being told, as an adoptee, to be grateful. It's a time of family and since I've been disowned from my adoptive family and denied existence by my birth family, that only makes it worse. I could tell you the reason I haven't blogged much lately is because I'm busy with work and other things. It's even true. But the other reason is that I am so effing sick of adoption at this time of year that I can't think straight.
Thank goodness for Doctor Who or I might not make it through this year. I'm planning to enjoy the last episodes of the Tenth Doctor to the fullest, and I don't need adoption casting a pall over my escapism, thank you very much. In fact, adoption is the reason for it.
Adoption might as well be a rusty knife in my stomach. It's hard to tell what hurts worse, going in or coming out, but either way it'll poison you for life.
Yeah, I need a whole month to be reminded of that.