After I posted about Rose's situation, I was inundated with replies that she should contact Find My Family. While I know these suggestions were made out of the goodness of people's hearts, I'm wondering if the existence of shows like this make people think that all you need to do is contact reality TV and they will magically solve your adoption search for you.
My question is partially prompted by the fact that I've seen it now. And I'll admit, Find My Family does show the emotions behind search and reunion--but there are too many things I don't think it addresses. What about those who can' t complete their searches? What about those left behind by compromise legislation? What about discrimination against adoptees and birth mothers and fathers? (I should point out that I normally find reality TV distasteful, doubly so when it's on a topic I find triggering.)
Because the thing is, Rose HAS contacted Find My Family. They elected not to take on her case. Possibly because it's too hard--they may not want to expend resources on a search they don't think they can solve (and therefore film the happy ending). Possibly because Rose is already a member of the forum who is doing Find My Family's legwork (a forum that, again, is not being compensated or even acknowledged as a resource--hello, ABC, I'm talking to you!). Possibly because ABC is concerned about legal liability given the gray/black market nature of Rose's case. Or possibly because they've simply filled up for the year and don't have room to take on more cases. Who knows? The point is, reality TV like Find My Family is not a panacea. It's not a magic wand. It's a resource like any other, and it doesn't work for everyone. These shows don't take on every case. They don't always succeed. What we see is a carefully distilled montage of their best results.
I'm still pondering my original question: Is reality TV good for adoptee rights or a hindrance? Now I'm beginning to wonder if these reunion shows give people the impression that searching is easy. As in, you can have the most impossible search in the world--but along comes Find My Family or The Locator and shazam, miracles! Adoption search is not that simple, logistically or emotionally. Some people luck out and get a match right away. Some people search for decades and never succeed. There is no magic wand, just hard work, determination, the willingness to fight a system that would just as soon see us slink off with our tails between our legs... and heaping helpings of luck and prayer.
I also wonder if reality TV glosses over the fact that reunion, like marriage, is an ongoing process that involves hard work. I would feel more confidence in shows like Find My Family if they were to mention search resources like ISRR and devote some time to what happens after the honeymoon.
What do you think?